Ifeoma: I realised that I have a destination addiction.At a certain stage in my life, I swore that I was sad because I didn't have enough money. Now I am just a little above the poverty line, I can offset some of my bills and I am still not happy.
I turn 25 in two months and I can't remember what I did with my youth.I spent it worrying for this future.
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| This is basically me Photo credit: @poetolu |
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Apart from being a Chude fan girl, when he announced that he would be holding a Joy masterclass, I found it interesting.
It was not the usual 'How To Enlarge Your Territory 2017 conference', 'How To Be A Queen And Make Your Husband A King', 'Dear Young Wife'.
Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I tire.
Joy is a subject matter that is unfamiliar. Its hardly discussed, so I was inquisitive, what did Chude have to say?
The class was slated for 10am, we kicked off at 10:30, and I felt that was really impressive as Lagosians have a reputation for African time, they cannot actually believe it when you say you will start on time.
Chude says send a message to your family members and tell them you will be busy for the next 6 hours.
Me: Say what?
One will think that after practising detachment from mobile phones at CU, I would be fine, but nope, I had withdrawal symptoms.
Oyedepo just shook his head.
So after 6 hours of opening up, getting engaged, drinking in all that was said, these were the lessons I learnt.
1. This life is too big for it to be just about you: In other words, the world does not revolve around your bottom. Ifeoma, look at your life outside. I can be such a whiny baby, when things don't go as planned, always thinking,'why is my case always different?',
2. Have an abundance mentality: There is enough for everyone. Yes, it is a dog eat dog world but not everyone is a dog. Someones door does not have to close for your door to be open.
3. Human beings are good: This struck me because I can be a very cynical person, now that I can reflect, I wonder why. In my 24 years on earth, I have never been betrayed or any of those dramatic backstabbing encounters that people talk about, so I wonder where I got that attitude from.
Cynicism is not wisdom, cynicism makes you lose hope in humanity. Most times we are suspicious of people because easier, because letting people in may be putting ourselves up for disappointment
Human beings are good. Are there bad people, yes, but they are a minority with great media coverage.
4. Why do we have to pepper them? Why do we seek external validation?
5. Practise a life of detachment: Detachment makes pain bearable, it means when you mourn, you mourn with hope. We practised this by dropping our phones, which is actually child's play when I think of it.An attachment is anything we can't let go of. It's anything we have allowed to control us. It could come in form of a parent, a relationship, a friendship.
We must never treat an impermanent situation as a permanent one. Nothing is permanent no matter how we would love that reality.
This hit home as Chude used me as an example.
Chude: Nwawe, do you think your mother will still love you, if you wake up one day and decide that you love women?
Me: *blank stare*
Chude: You don't know, but you have to know that she can decide to turn her back on you, because your choices threatens everything she believes in. And you have to be okay with that. You can mourn her as it should be, but you should be able to move on
'If you are not scared of darkness, shadows will not move you'6. Don't deny your sadness: Embrace it. Yes, I know the Instagram posts say 'Choose happy', they lied. You will burn out if you ignore your sadness.
7. You can live your life and love at the same thing: This was my 'church agbasa' moment. For some reason, I was made to believe that you have to 'live your life' first before you find love. You can do both together, as love is set up to make your life better not take from it.
My mind went back to the man I refused to date because I wanted to focus (he pronounced egg as hegg, so it made that decision easier) on my studies. All that focus and I still graduated with a 2:1.
Few weeks ago, my friend and I were talking and I broke down in overwhelming tears. I was tired of everything, my life was not where I wanted it to be. I didn't think I was goals. I thought what is this life if you are not really 'giving them'? So why are now here?
Then after the class, it hit me, I was so self absorbed that I had forgotten how to be grateful for my blessings. It had skipped my mind that I may not be living my dreams, but this reality was not awful and that doesn't mean there is no space for improvement. It means that while I am where I am, I can still build joy.
So thank you Chude, for giving of yourself, your time, your energy, your wealth of knowledge (I got drowned in depth, no jokes). Who talks for 6 hours? Thank you for not holding back. Thank you for listening. Thank you for saying, I don't know when you didn't.
Thank you to The Preneur Centre, Lekki for giving us your space so this class could happen.
Then my class participants, thank you for being so open, and for sharing your experiences. I hope you found that which you sought.
Remain woke in Joy!!
Don't forget to leave a comment. They make me happy!!
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